My first time....

So this is the first time I have ever blogged before. I have no idea who, if anyone, will ever read this, but it kinda does feel nice to vent to someone who won't/can't talk back. Of course the topic that is always on my mind is my dad. People keep telling me I should journal, or find a way to "get my thoughts and feelings out". So, here goes. I have been feeling down lately especially with fathers day approaching. Can't we just skip that day this year, or better yet, forever??? I miss him so much it hurts. I go from sad to angry in an instant. As much as I want to be pregnant ( and those who really know me know how strong this desire is:) ), I am sad that that is a part of my life that dad won't physically be a part of. There has been a lot of guilt lately too. For crying out loud, I am a nurse! Why did I not see the signs and get him to an ER sooner? I know that God has a perfect plan, but sometimes I have to admit I do not understand it one bit. I have been listening to a lot of music lately. When I miss my dad, I listen to Paul Simon or Billy Joel. When I long to see him again, I listen to either I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin or Homesick by Mercy Me. I had never really listened to the lyrics until my dad died. I Will Rise has a line in it that goes "There's a peace I've come to know, though my heart and flesh may fail. There's an anchor for my soul, I can say it is well. Jesus has overcome, and the grave is overwhelmed." Thank you Lord for revealing this song to me in a new way. A way that gives me peace and hope. The other song, equally as good, goes "You're in better place, I've heard a thousand times. And at least a thousand times, I've rejoiced for you. But the reason why I am broken, the reason why I cry, is how long must I wait to be with you." This is how I feel every day. I know where my dad is. I know he is with Jesus. But it is the selfish, worldly part of me that goes but what about us??? I pray for patience. I pray for strength. I pray that each day gets a little bit easier.